Paul Mannone seems to always be deserving of a good slapping. Yesterday, I took care of this.
I woke to my phone ringing. After I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes I looked at the caller ID and did not recognize the number. As standard procedure goes, if I don't know the number, I don't answer. No more than 8 seconds after the last ring the person calls again. Same number. This goes on for about 5 minutes as I drift in and out of a sleepy haze. Finally I get agitated enough and answer it. The number was from the Oshkosh Public Library. We all know who works there.
Paul Effing Mannone.
Once I got my grasp on the situation and realize that it is him, I just lost it. He told me that he was calling because I had books over due. $27 in late fees and a possible Lien will be filled against me if I don't return the books within the day. I hang up on him. At some point Paul must have taken lessons in persistence, because he gets an A+ in not letting things go. He called back. I didn't answer. Now was leaving me voice mails. Not dropping the topic at all. This was all interesting because I had no books from the Oshkosh Public Library. I have never been to the Oshkosh Public Library....or even know where it is if I were to try and get there.
The phone calls continued. Then the Instant Messages started to come as well.
I then decided to take action. I got dressed and headed to the car. I didn't know what I was going to do....but I was going to go down to that library and slap that bitch. I called a friend of mine in Oshkosh as I was in route to get directions to the library. As I was on the phone I passed a garage sale that looked appealing. I stopped and looked around. There I found two things that made my plan complete. A few old books. A fly swatter.
I purchased all for about $2.75 and headed on down the road. I pulled up to the library and parked in a spot close to the parking lot exit. I backed into the stall to insure a quick escape.
Into the library I went. Books and fly swatter in hand. I stood outside the office and called Mannone out. He looked surprised as his pathetic little eyes peaked around the corner. "Get out here chico" I said in my best English/Mexican accent. He came walking towards me. I could sense his lack of confidence...that feeling you get sometimes where you know a person isn't going to do a damn thing...and you know that they think you are absolutely crazy. I had the upper hand. He stopped about three feet infront of me. I made my move. With my left hand I threw the books at his stomach...on impact he bent over slightly putting his head within prime distance for a good fly swatter slap. My right hand swung and the sound of a plastic fly swatter hitting pauls left cheek was the sound of justice. The whole library froze...looked at me....I shrugged...then I ran. To the car. To the highway. To Appleton.
I woke to my phone ringing. After I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes I looked at the caller ID and did not recognize the number. As standard procedure goes, if I don't know the number, I don't answer. No more than 8 seconds after the last ring the person calls again. Same number. This goes on for about 5 minutes as I drift in and out of a sleepy haze. Finally I get agitated enough and answer it. The number was from the Oshkosh Public Library. We all know who works there.
Paul Effing Mannone.
Once I got my grasp on the situation and realize that it is him, I just lost it. He told me that he was calling because I had books over due. $27 in late fees and a possible Lien will be filled against me if I don't return the books within the day. I hang up on him. At some point Paul must have taken lessons in persistence, because he gets an A+ in not letting things go. He called back. I didn't answer. Now was leaving me voice mails. Not dropping the topic at all. This was all interesting because I had no books from the Oshkosh Public Library. I have never been to the Oshkosh Public Library....or even know where it is if I were to try and get there.
The phone calls continued. Then the Instant Messages started to come as well.
I then decided to take action. I got dressed and headed to the car. I didn't know what I was going to do....but I was going to go down to that library and slap that bitch. I called a friend of mine in Oshkosh as I was in route to get directions to the library. As I was on the phone I passed a garage sale that looked appealing. I stopped and looked around. There I found two things that made my plan complete. A few old books. A fly swatter.
I purchased all for about $2.75 and headed on down the road. I pulled up to the library and parked in a spot close to the parking lot exit. I backed into the stall to insure a quick escape.
Into the library I went. Books and fly swatter in hand. I stood outside the office and called Mannone out. He looked surprised as his pathetic little eyes peaked around the corner. "Get out here chico" I said in my best English/Mexican accent. He came walking towards me. I could sense his lack of confidence...that feeling you get sometimes where you know a person isn't going to do a damn thing...and you know that they think you are absolutely crazy. I had the upper hand. He stopped about three feet infront of me. I made my move. With my left hand I threw the books at his stomach...on impact he bent over slightly putting his head within prime distance for a good fly swatter slap. My right hand swung and the sound of a plastic fly swatter hitting pauls left cheek was the sound of justice. The whole library froze...looked at me....I shrugged...then I ran. To the car. To the highway. To Appleton.
4 Comments:
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haha, little bitch. ha ha.
let me point out some of the problems with your nonsense...
1. "I woke to my phone ringing. After I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes I looked at the caller ID and did not recognize the number. As standard procedure goes, if I don't know the number, I don't answer. No more than 8 seconds after the last ring the person calls again. Same number. This goes on for about 5 minutes as I drift in and out of a sleepy haze. Finally I get agitated enough and answer it. The number was from the Oshkosh Public Library. We all know who works there.
Paul Effing Mannone.
Once I got my grasp on the situation and realize that it is him, I just lost it. He told me that he was calling because I had books over due. $27 in late fees and a possible Lien will be filled against me if I don't return the books within the day. I hang up on him."
I don't call about overdue books.
2. "At some point Paul must have taken lessons in persistence, because he gets an A+ in not letting things go."
No I didn't
3. "I then decided to take action."
No you didn't
4. "I purchased all for about $2.75"
You spent your last $2.75 on that nasty chick on the corner, everyone knows that.
5. Plus it's all lies. Bad lies at that. Whoop.
Dan, I just proved your detachment from logic and foxed you all at once. How's it feel?
my last comment says 9:15. that's not true. it's 10:15 here, which means it's 11:15 where you live.
all the timestamping on my internetting has been fucked up since i moved. freecycle, craigs list, hotmail, blogs, everything. WTF?
fuck timestamping. you heard it here first.
i like how your comment thing is a pop up. even though pop ups are evil. in this case it's muy conveniente.
and just b/c i commented twice doesn't mean i'm going to read your blog. so don't get used to this or anything. i just don't want to have to deal with some messy situation later. it's best to let you down nice and easy now.
nice and easy...
google earth is discriminatory towards apple users. i was going to like, totally zoom into my apartment, brah, but then it was all like BLAM! not you, dog. no "all i wanna do is a zooma zoom zoom and a boom boom" for you iBook user.
blam-o
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